i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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