apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
