Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
