I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
