i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
