is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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