This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
