The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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