I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
