I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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