I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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