How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
