Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I love you.
Bad choice
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