Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
