so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
