so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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