I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
