Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize