and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
