She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
