he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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