I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
