Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
