I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
