i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He felt like a one man threesome
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
