Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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