Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
