Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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