You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
