ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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