So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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