My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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