Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just want to make out with him forever
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
