He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
