please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize