Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
