She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
