i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
