Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
