I just threw up on my dentist
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You are the jesus of drinking
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
