The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
