i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
