im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
