i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
