That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
