I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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