Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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