Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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