I looked at my own cervix.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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