So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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