I want to make a zoo with you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
