What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
