the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
