Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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