I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
