Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
