i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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