woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
