There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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