why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
