It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We were destined to go to rehab together
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
