She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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