my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
