I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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