he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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