FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
