She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
