so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
